Tag: depression

Understanding ADHD: More Than Just Difficulty Sitting Still

Published on by psicounselling

October is ADHD Awareness Month, a time dedicated to educating communities about Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and supporting the millions of people whose lives it touches. If you’re reading this, perhaps you’re someone living with ADHD, a parent trying to understand your child better, or simply curious about what ADHD really means. Understanding this neurodevelopmental condition is crucial for fostering empathy and creating spaces where individuals can thrive.

What Is ADHD?

ADHD is a neurological condition that affects executive function, which is the mental processes that help us plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks. People with ADHD are often seen as lazy or unintelligent, when actually what’s going on is just a difference in how the brain is wired. Having this difference affects the brains ability to regulate attention, impulses, activity levels, and the ability to emotionally regulate.

ADHD can manifest differently in each person:

  • Predominantly Inattentive: Difficulty sustaining attention, following through on tasks, and organising activities
  • Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive: Excessive fidgeting, difficulty staying seated and needing to move around often, interrupting others, and acting without thinking
  • Combined Presentation: A mixture of both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms

Breaking Down the Myths

Myth: ADHD only affects children. Reality: While ADHD is sometimes noticed and diagnosed in childhood or adolescence, it doesn’t just disappear when someone reaches adulthood, that person will still live with ADHD as an adult. There are also many adults whose ADHD traits were no recognised as children; these people slipped through the net and have had to navigate their lives whilst struggling with being different and experience difficulties they’ve never fully understood or had the language for.

Myth: ADHD means you can’t focus on anything. Reality: ‘Lack of focus’ is only a small part of the experience of living with ADHD. It’s common for people with ADHD to experience something called hyperfocus, which is an intense concentration on activities that interest them. The challenge then becomes about regulating that attention (e.g. not spending hours-on-end doing a particular task without pee breaks or stopping to eat lunch!)

Myth: ADHD is just an excuse for bad behaviour. Reality: Maybe this stems from a combination of the troubles with impulse control and emotional regulation, or from the stereotype of ‘problem child’ and challenging behaviour that can manifest when ADHD goes unrecognised and/or unmanaged. Whereas many people with ADHD work really hard to ‘fit in’ or to hide what’s going on for them on the inside (known as masking).

The Daily Reality of Living with ADHD

For neurotypical people, carrying out everyday tasks might feel quite easy and seamless. For those with ADHD, these same tasks can feel overwhelming and analysis paralysis takes over. ‘Time blindness’ can lead to the day slipping away without realising it or dragging on endlessly in ‘waiting mode’. Keeping emotionally regulated can be another daily challenge, because feelings that com up feel more intense and take longer to process and move on from.

Despite all of these difficulties, ADHD also comes with many strengths. Many ADHD’rs are creative problem-solvers who think outside the box and demonstrate remarkable resilience in the face of difficulty, and they often bring energetic enthusiasm to projects they’re passionate about.

My Reflections

On a personal note, I’ve been on a journey over the last few years discovering my unique presentation of being neurodivergent, which I now realise involves having ADHD traits. It’s been a roller-coaster figuring myself out (and still going!), but it has helped me to better understand both myself and my clients experiences. It explains why some days I’m able to get lots done but others I can barely manage to do the basics; I’ve had to recognise and begin to unlearn the internalised shame and masking that gets created from my own neurodivergent struggles.

I’ve come to learn the importance of self-compassion and understanding that is crucially needed when we’re discovering who we are and what we need to support ourselves better. We’re not ‘failing at life’, we’re just doing things differently (and that’s OK).

How You Can Support ADHD Awareness

Educate yourself and others. Understanding replaces judgment. When you learn more about ADHD, you become better equipped to support those affected by it.

Practice patience and empathy. If someone with ADHD forgets that thing you asked them to do, interrupts you when you’re talking, or struggles to complete their to-do lists, remember that’s just how their brain works (even though it’s frustrating).

Advocate for accommodations. In schools and workplaces, reasonable adjustments can make a tremendous difference; things like extended time on tests, flexible deadlines, or quiet workspaces.

Listen to lived experiences. The ADHD community has valuable insights, I would strongly recommend engaging with materials that authentically show what it’s like to live with ADHD (some great examples are How To ADHD & ADHD Love).

Support ADHD-friendly environments. Whether you’re a teacher, employer, or friend, you can create spaces that work with ADHD brains rather than against them. Offer clear expectations of what is needed, routines that have flexibility built-in, use of visual aids and regular breaks all help.

Moving Forward

ADHD Awareness Month reminds us that neurodiversity is part of the human experience. When we understand and accommodate different ways of thinking and processing information, everyone benefits. We create more innovative workplaces, more inclusive schools, and more compassionate communities.

If you’re struggling with symptoms that might be ADHD, or if you’re finding yourself overwhelmed by daily life in ways that others don’t seem to experience, reaching out for support is an important first step. Whether through counselling, assessment, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination of approaches, support can be genuinely life-changing.

Moving forward, let’s commit to understanding ADHD better, supporting those who live with it, and recognising that different doesn’t mean deficient. Every neurodivergent person deserves to be understood, valued, and supported.

If you’d like to explore how counselling can support you in navigating ADHD or any other challenges you’re facing, please contact me on 07568 350 457, email psi.counselling@gmail.com, or use my contact form.

From Counsellor to Supervisor: A Journey of Growth and Discovery

Published on by psicounselling

Last year I hit a milestone in my career; it had been a decade of sitting across from clients, holding space for their stories, and witnessing countless moments of breakthroughs and emotional healing. Shortly after writing a blog about my learnings during this time, I found myself reflecting on what might come next.

While I remained committed to my counselling work since beginning my Level 4 diploma in 2013, I wasn’t feeling the same excitement about my counselling practice that I once had. I wondered if this was simply a natural feeling to have at this point in my career and personal life. Then my clinical supervisor made a suggestion: “Have you ever considered training as a supervisor? I think you’d be excellent at it.”

Taking the Leap

The idea intrigued me. Training as a clinical supervisor did feel like a natural next step, especially when I found a course that was accessible and covered not just traditional supervision but also the evolving landscape of online counselling and supervision. The possibility of exploring a new dimension of therapeutic work motivated me to sign up.

However, once I’d committed to the training, I found myself in a panic and wondering whether I’d actually be any good at it. Would I have the skills to guide other counsellors effectively? Could I provide the kind of support and insight that supervisees would need? These doubts lingered as I prepared myself for the course to start.

The Challenges Were Real

What I hadn’t anticipated was how demanding the reading requirements would be, particularly in the early stages of the course when it was top-heavy with theory and research. The volume of material that needed to be absorbed between workshops was overwhelming. As someone who is neurodivergent, my brain processes information slower than average, and I found myself struggling to keep up with the pace and quantity of reading expected.

I was very thankful when this eased off towards the end of the live workshops, but then we were hit with the course assignments and I felt overwhelmed all over again! However I was grateful that I could at least do these at my own pace, which despite causing a lot of stress, I managed to submit before the deadline.

The workshop components brought their own anxieties. I often struggle with anxiety around new people and tend to freeze up during observed role plays, the thought of connecting with peers and being watched during practice sessions filled me with dread. The vulnerability required to learn supervision skills in front of others felt quite daunting.

Unexpected Discoveries

What surprised me most was how wrong my fears turned out to be. The connections I made with fellow trainees came more easily than I had anticipated. Instead of feeling isolated by my struggles, I found common ground with others navigating their own challenges. One of these connections has blossomed into a genuine friendship, reminding me that growth often happens when we engage in communities where we feel acceptance and belonging.

But on reflection, maybe the most significant discovery was how much I was genuinely enjoying the supervision itself. There’s something deeply satisfying about sitting with supervisees as they present their client work, helping them facilitate their reflections using frameworks like the seven-eyed model. I love watching the lightbulb moments when a supervisee sees their work from a new angle or gains insight into their therapeutic relationships, or indeed with themselves.

A New Perspective

I expected to feel nervous or uncertain in the supervisor role, instead I found a renewed energy and enthusiasm. The work I’m doing to help other counsellors develop their skills, process challenging cases, and grow in their practice, has brought a fresh perspective to my career that I hadn’t anticipated.

Looking back, I realize that my decade of counselling experience was building on my own practice, but also laying the foundations for this next phase of my life and career. All those years of client work, of navigating therapeutic relationships, of managing my own personal and professional development (with the help of my own supervisors of course), had been building toward something bigger.

For Those Considering the Journey

If you’re a counsellor curious about supervision training or considering a new direction in your practice, I’d encourage you to explore it. Yes, it can be challenging, especially if you have learning differences or social anxieties like I do. But I’ve learned that our lived experiences often become our greatest strengths. My experience of being neurodivergent helps me think creatively and offer fresh perspectives into supervisees and their clients. Whilst my social anxieties make me more attuned to the vulnerability supervisees feel when sharing their work.

Since becoming a supervisor, I’ve discovered new ways to contribute to our field on top of exploring different aspects of therapeutic work, which is something I’m truly grateful for. There’s something powerful about the ripple effect of supervision: by supporting and developing other counsellors, we’re indirectly helping all the clients they’ll work with, creating positive ripples that extend far beyond our direct practice. Career development doesn’t always follow a straight line, and sometimes the most rewarding opportunities come from directions we hadn’t initially considered.

If you’re a counsellor and would like to work with me as your supervisor, please get in touch for a free videocall to see if we’d be a good match.

Pride Month 2025: The Reality Behind the Rainbow Flags

Published on by psicounselling

June brings Pride Month again, and with it the familiar mix of celebration and complexity that many of my LGBTQIA+ clients know well. While social media fills with rainbow everything and brands dust off their Pride marketing, the lived reality for many queer people remains more nuanced.

If you’re reading this, you might be wondering what Pride actually means – whether you’re still figuring out your own identity, dealing with unsupportive family, trying to get through another day feeling like yourself in a world that doesn’t always make space for that, or you’re someone supporting a loved one through these experiences.

The Gap Between Progress and Reality

Yes, some things have improved. Same-sex marriage is legal, workplace protections exist on paper, and representation in media has increased. But progress isn’t linear, and recent developments like the UK Supreme Court’s April 2025 ruling that defines “woman” as referring only to biological sex serve as stark reminders of how quickly legal protections can shift.

This ruling is expected to impact accommodations for trans women in bathrooms, hospital wards, sports clubs and more. But beyond the practical implications, there’s the psychological impact on both trans people and cisgender women who now face increased scrutiny about their “biological credentials” in spaces that should feel safe.

I see the effects of this uncertainty in my counselling practice regularly. The external world might seem more accepting in some ways, but internal struggles with identity, family relationships, and self-acceptance don’t magically resolve because it’s Pride Month – and they certainly don’t get easier when legal definitions of your identity are being contested in court.

The Mental Health Reality

Let’s be honest about what I actually see in my practice. People exhausted from code-switching between different versions of themselves depending on who they’re with. Adults still dealing with the emotional fallout from families who “love them but don’t understand.” The particular loneliness of feeling like you don’t quite fit anywhere, even within LGBTQIA+ spaces.

There’s the scenario of someone who came out at work and now wonders if every negative interaction is about their sexuality. Or the teenager whose parents say they’re supportive but keep asking when this “phase” will end. The partner of someone who’s transitioning, trying to navigate their own feelings while being supportive.

These aren’t issues that get solved by attending a Pride parade, though community connection certainly helps some people. They’re complex psychological challenges that often require time, space, and professional support to work through.

What Actually Helps

Therapy isn’t about becoming more Pride-worthy or learning to love yourself in time for rainbow season. It’s about having somewhere to untangle the mess of growing up different in a world that often expects conformity.

Sometimes that looks like grieving the family acceptance you wanted but didn’t get. Sometimes it’s learning to trust your own instincts about who’s safe to be yourself around. Often it involves unpicking years of internalized messages about what’s “normal” or acceptable.

The work is slower and messier than the Pride Month messaging suggests, but it’s also more real. It’s about figuring out how to live as yourself not just during Pride Month, but in January when no one’s talking about LGBTQIA+ issues and you still have to get up and face the world.

Beyond the Month

Pride Month will end, the flags will come down, and most people will move on to the next thing. But if you’re LGBTQIA+, you’ll still be navigating the same challenges in July.

If you’re struggling with any of this stuff – whether you’re LGBTQIA+ dealing with identity, family dynamics, or workplace stress, or you’re a family member, friend, or partner trying to understand and support someone you care about – you don’t have to figure it out alone.

I work in person and online with people across the spectrum of gender and sexuality, and I get that finding a therapist who actually understands these issues (rather than just saying they’re “LGBTQIA+ friendly”) matters. If you think counselling might help, you can contact me on 07568 350 457, email me on psi.counselling@gmail.com or use the site contact form.

And if you’re in crisis, support is available year-round, not just during Pride Month. Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123, and the LGBT Foundation offers specific support on 0345 3 30 30 30.

The Disinhibition Effect: What is it and how does it impact online therapy?

Published on by psicounselling

‘The Disinhibition Effect’ is a phenomenon that explains much of why people often behave differently online than they do in person.

The term was first coined by John Suler in 2004 and it has become much more common with the birth of the internet and social media, however this phenomenon has been documented in recent history way before the internet was even a thing.

Suler’s definition explores how the anonymity and invisibility of the online world can reduce people’s inhibitions, leading them to act in ways they might not otherwise. This can can have either positive effects (increased openness and emotional expression) or negative outcomes (aggression, trolling or inappropriate comments).

Understanding the Disinhibition Effect

There are several factors that fuel online behaviour:

  • You don’t know me (Dissociative anonymity) – a certain degree of anonymity to the person we’re communicating with helps us to detach from ourselves and we feel more able to voice our thoughts and feelings.
  • You can’t see me (Invisibility) – Not being visually seen by others gives us a sense of protection from vulnerability, which in turn leads to lowering our inhibitions. It also makes it much easier to misrepresent ourselves to others.
  • See you later (Asynchronicity) – When communication is not in real time (e.g. email or commenting on social media posts), it can feel easier to say things that are difficult, uncomfortable or socially unacceptable. Having no immediate consequences to what’s been said creates a sense of safety and protection.
  • It’s all in my head (Solipsistic introjection) – When we don’t know much or see all of the person we are talking to, our mind unconsciously ‘fills in the blanks’. We then make assumptions about others and imagine up ideas of who we think they are.
  • It’s just a game (Dissociative imagination) – the abstract idea of an online world can lead to a belief that the usual practice of social etiquette isn’t needed during online interactions.
  • Your rules don’t apply here (Minimisation of status and authority) – The prevailing ethos that everyone is equal in online spaces can make it appear that ‘nobody is in charge’, and so people tend to engage with each other as peers. This can also lead to a belief that both everyone and no-one is an ‘expert’, blurring the distinction between individual opinions and established facts.

The Disinhibition Effect in Online Therapy

In the context of online therapy (whether that’s video-calling, telephone or email), this disinhibition effect can impact the therapy in a variety of ways:

Increased openness

Clients may feel more able to be vulnerable earlier on in the therapy process, revealing thoughts and feelings that they usually find too difficult or distressing to share with others. This can speed up the therapeutic process and quickly create a strong bond (aka therapeutic alliance) between client and therapist.

Emotional overwhelm

The same openness could also lead clients to delve into deeply distressing subject matter much quicker than in real life. An important part of therapy is to be able to explore such subject matter in a safe and contained way, and speaking to quickly about things can be psychologically unsafe for the client. A good therapist will help guide you to talk about these things at a pace that is safe for you.

Vulnerability hangovers

Similarly, when we are brave enough to take a risk and share our vulnerability with someone else, we can feel really exposed; common feelings that arise from this include guilt, shame, fear and regret. The nature of online therapy means we’re more likely to be vulnerable with our therapists, so it’s important to note that ‘vulnerability hangovers’ may be more common during online therapy.

Therapist-Client boundaries

Boundaries are what help us trust and feel safe when with others, and professional boundaries in therapy are incredibly important in protecting both the client and therapist from harm. Having sessions online can blur the professional boundaries that are essential for safe and effective therapy, and your online therapist should be communicating these boundaries from the very beginning. Some examples of these include starting and ending sessions at the agreed time, avoiding communication that is casual or out of hours, maintaining privacy and avoiding interruptions during sessions.

Self-expression

The ability to detach from and lower our inhibitions when communicating with a therapist online often leads to easier and more self-expression in comparison to in-person therapy. Feeling more protected from negative consequences of emotional vulnerability leads to less shame and embarrassment when sharing difficult thoughts and feelings. Having therapy by email also gives the client more time to articulate themselves and their issues better.

Thinking of having online therapy? Get in touch to see how I can help

References:

Suler, J. (2004). The Online Disinhibition Effect. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 7(3), 321–326.

The Disinhibition Effect in Online Therapy – Counselling tutor

What do Counsellors and Psychotherapists mean by boundaries? – BACP

Unlocking Therapy: A Guide to Maximizing Your Mental Health Journey

Published on by psicounselling

Have you ever wondered how to make the most out of the therapy experience?

Whether it’s your first time or you’re well practised at it, it’s always good to think about whether you could be getting more from the therapeutic space. Lets face it, it’s hard work just to get started! So here are some things to think about to help you get going.

Finding Your Bearings: Setting a Focus for Sessions

Firstly, think about what you need the space for. What aspects of your life do you want to explore, understand, or improve? Having a focus for your sessions serves as your compass, allowing both you and your therapist to navigate the journey with intention. It could be anxiety, low mood, self-esteem, or maneuvering through life transitions – the decision is yours. The clearer your focus, the more evident the path becomes.

Exploring the Landscape: Researching Different Types of Therapy

Therapy comes in various forms, each with its unique way of working. Before embarking on your journey, take a moment to explore the different types of therapy that are out there. From CBT and Psychodynamic therapy, to Humanistic or Integrative therapies, each model offers a distinctive way of working. So it might be helpful to consider what resonates with you and aligns with your goals. Asking potential therapists to explain the type of therapy they offer could help you find a better suited therapist sooner and fast track your journey.

Pacing is key: Smaller Changes or Bigger Shifts?

Do you want to make smaller changes over a short period, or are you ready for more profound shifts over a longer period? Therapy is not a one size fits all approach, so you would do well to reflect on your preferences and goals to get a better idea of how you’d like yours to unfold. Once you have a sense of a personal time frame, your therapist can help keep track of the pace and ensure it aligns with what you’re looking for. Remember it’s important to be realistic with yourself, most life long problems don’t become fixed over a short period of time.

Reaping What You Sow: Investing in Yourself

If your mind is a garden, therapy is the nurturing and nutritious soil that feeds it. Like any cultivation, you reap what you sow. Active participation, honesty, and openness are seeds that grow into self-discovery and positive change. Your therapist is there to guide and support, but the investment in your well-being begins with your commitment to yourself and the process. Embrace the journey, tend to your mental garden, and watch the transformation as you bloom.

Embrace the Possibilities for Change

Seize the opportunity to make a positive change in your life. Therapy is not a passive experience; it’s a chance for growth, understanding and empowerment. Take an active role in your mental health journey, communicate openly with your therapist, and let the process unfold with a sense of curiosity and self-compassion.

By approaching therapy with focus, awareness and a commitment to self-investment, you’ll unlock the potential for transformative growth.

Ready to start Therapy?

4 Things you didn’t know could be caused by anxiety

Published on by psicounselling

1) Exhaustion

Do you sometimes feel completely drained without knowing why? Do you often feel like you’ve got no energy to do the things you want to?

Worrying all the time about all sorts of things is exhausting! If you’re feeling fatigue, it might be due to constant worries draining your precious energy. When I say exhaustion, I mean both the physical and emotional sides of it. In fact, physical tiredness with no apparent cause can be a symptom of emotional fatigue.

Other aspects of emotional exhaustion can include not feeling any motivation or drive to do day-to-day things and/or achieving bigger life goals, having trouble concentrating, being absent minded, quick to anger or irritability, and having difficulties getting to and staying asleep.

2) Binging on TV shows

Maybe you’re really excited to watch the new show that’s just dropped on Netflix….

….or maybe you’re trying to distract yourself from worrying about stuff by having a constant source of information coming at you. It could be that you’re trying to focus on the show rather than the worries you have about your life and the people around you.

When you’re anxious, having a distraction ready can be a good way to manage until it passes, but if its used long term as a coping mechanism, its not going to help resolve what’s causing the anxiety.

3) Being overly organised

Being super organised might just be part of your personality, or you might really enjoy coordinating and sorting your things into their proper places. However this is not always the case. If you have noticed lately that you’re putting more and more effort into organising and planning, but aren’t too happy about it, this could be a sign of anxiety.

For some people, control over how things are planned and where stuff goes can be a sign that you are feeling out of control with worry. When we don’t feel that we are in control of our lives, we instinctively do things that help us to get that feeling of control back.

This is called self-regulation; sometimes we self regulate with healthy stuff (crying/listening to music/ moderate exercise) and sometimes not (smoking/alcohol/junk food). For some people, organising their possessions and/or their daily schedule is a type of self regulation.

4) Poor memory recall

Some background info on how our memory works:

There are 3 stages to memory; (1) information gets taken into our brains through our senses, it then needs attention to pass through to our (2) short term memory and then to (3) long term memory. If the information going in (e.g. what we see and hear) doesn’t get enough attention in the moment, it wont be able to be stored into memory and will just disappear (decay).

So if we are anxious or preoccupied about something and thinking about that instead of what’s happening in the moment, we can’t give enough attention to our present moment. This results in our brains not creating memories of what has just happened. Whether it’s being at work, being out and about, or those precious times spent with loved ones.

So if you find yourself not being able to remember much of what has happened during your day, like constantly forgetting what you came into the room for, or not remembering what was said during that conversation you just had, you could be feeling more anxious than you realised.

References

https://www.healthline.com/health/emotional-exhaustion#symptoms

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_self-regulation

Atkinson, R.C., and Shriffin R.M. (1968) Human memory: A proposed system and it’s control processes. In Eysenck, M.W., and Keane, M.T. (2005) Cognitive Psychology. East Sussex: Psychology press.